ADDICTED

It was a new year, January 2001, the year that changed my life. It was the beginning of my paramedic career and I had no idea when the ball dropped at midnight. I never had aspirations to have a career in EMS, but that was the year it sort of fell into my lap. I was plodding along, living in Machias with my daughter, she a junior in high school, me a waitress. One of my coworkers’ mothers was starting an EMT-B class and needed one more student to make it happen. She asked me if I was interested (it was free), so I said sure. Now at the time, my daughter was 5 months pregnant and I was working 70 to 80 hours to support us. I had no idea what I was getting into and if I had would I have continued? To this day I am not sure. An EMT-B class is not easy and I am an overachiever by nature. So I made a decision to deprive myself of 10 or more hours of much needed sleep a week. I gave the class 100% and the longer it went on the more I loved it. We had a student teacher (who turned out to be a mentor to me) who was so enthusiastic there was no way not to be caught it. I finished the class, passed my state exams, and off I went. Within two weeks of getting my license, I had given notice at my waitress job and knew this was what I was meant to do. I am a caregiver by nature so it was a match made in heaven or so it seemed. I was 38 and finally had made a career choice, not just working a job to survive. All this from a free class, how could I beat that?

As I said, I never had a burning lifelong desire for this career, so how did it come to be? I took my free EMT-B class and I was hooked. I loved being on the ambulance, it hinged on addiction for me. Knowing that you had made a difference in the quantity or quality of someone’s life can be intoxicating. For the first time in years I developed a sense of pride and accomplishment. I could be a caregiver without a long term commitment, a match made in heaven. Eventually though, as with all addictions, I needed more. EMT-I was the next rung on the ladder and I took the step up. I thought EMT-B was hard, ha, a walk in the park I was soon to find out. To get my EMT-B license required 117 hours classroom time, 16 hours clinical time, and the class was close to home. EMT-I was 140 hours classroom time, 150 hours clinical time, all to be done in Bangor, a mere 90 mile one way trip. Oh, and did I mention the teenage daughter is still at home and has now brought with her a baby boy? It was tough and exhausting, but I worked two jobs and traveled anywhere from 2 to 5 times a week to Bangor. Once again I finish the class, take my state exams, and life is good. I am an EMT-I now. The sun is certainly shining on me. The career I never desired is shaping up, but the addiction won’t let me stop.

One free class and what has developed from that? After sacrifice and struggle the roof is in sight from where I stand on the ladder. Along the way though, somebody noticed that I had a knack not only at being a good EMS provider, but at educating others who were EMTs or wanted to become EMTs. Take an instructor class was the encouragement I received. I had barely finished my EMT-I class when I dove into this aspect of emergency medicine. Back to Bangor, still a 90 mile one way trip, this time for a 40 hour instructor class with one semester of student teaching. How hard could it be? I was an EMS provider and surely teaching it couldn’t be that difficult. Well, I’m here to tell you doing it and teaching it are 2 different worlds. The preparation, the students, making and grading tests were time consuming in an already frugal time budget. Once again, I made it through and became a licensed EMS instructor. But will this addiction finally be satisfied? Not quite. At about the same time I finished getting my instructor license, a new paramedic class was starting. I had been thinking this step on and off, but knowing the magnitude of this decision, couldn’t quite commit. After a lot of thought and discussion with my partner I decided to go for it. Machias Ambulance was going to have its’ first paramedic in its’ 30+ years of existence. One free class and now I am an EMS junkie.

A paramedic? 4 years ago I had never stepped foot in an ambulance, and now one damn free class for a career I had never considered, has put me in school for the better part of 2 years. Now I am going to give another year of my life to this. Well at least the teenage daughter has graduated from high school and is able to take responsibility for her child. Fortunately, my partner is an also an EMS provider so understood the sacrifice we were about to make. Paramedic school is tough and you can kiss that year of your life goodbye. Back to Bangor, for regular classroom hours, specialty classes, and hours of clinical time. Paramedic school is also very expensive and with no financial support from the town whose ambulance I worked for, it was tough in a lot of aspects. My partner made huge personal and financial sacrifices so I could fulfill this last step on the ladder and stand on the roof (or so I thought). Paramedic school is finished, state exams are taken and I am there. But now I am there with no job. The town I worked for only paid us $4.00 an hour, as they considered us “volunteers.” So now this addiction, like so many others, has put me put me out of a job. They were unwilling to negotiate to make it viable for me, so guess where I have to go? Back to Bangor, this time for employment. In addition to acquiring a full time paramedic job (with paramedic pay), I also got a job in education for the EMS office in this region. With these two positions, I have accomplished major professional goals, but at huge personal sacrifices. Those I love can’t be here with me due to other obligations, so like a lot of addicts, I am alone most of the time.
Yep, the career I never envisioned is a dual edged sword, which cuts on a daily basis. I can’t imagine walking away from it but I suffer daily from not being with those who mean the most to me. Free ain’t always what it’s cracked up to be, which is a lesson most addicts learn at some point. Ten years ago I never dreamed I would have the career that I do now and certainly never imagined that fulfillment could have as much pain as joy.